How to reset your responses for a better 2022!

How to reset your responses for a better 2022!

by | Jan 27, 2022 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

To be honest I am always somewhat amused at the fuss around the change of the calendar year as if one were expecting some magical new beginning to take place on a certain date.

Even the seasons largely ignore the exact time they are to begin and end, and as we all know change is something that is taking place all the time and not just at the end of the year.

By all means, let’s have a positive mindset to begin each new year with new goals and hope for new beginnings but the reality is the life we lead, its purpose and its meaning and the relationships we either suffer or enjoy are very much to do with affecting change ourselves and our responses to the cards that are dealt us. That’s something we can do anytime!

Change begins within

There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution’ for how we can better our lives, but if we dare to make changes within ourselves, like changing the way we respond or react to situations and our attitude to those with whom we interact, we can make a small difference in the world and a significant difference in our own lives.

Responding to people and situations with a sense of calm and passive resilience will always be better than simply reacting with anger or frustration, so here are a couple of ideas on how to reset your responses for a better 2022… 

Reset your responses through life alignment 

You may have read my recent article on Life Alignment – what is it and is it for me? | Self and More – Coaching | Soul Plan | Pilates | TRE | QEC. It is about the great value of life realignment and the many aspects of our life that be changed to facilitate more positive responses. There are many aspects to it however and here are just three of these…

Relationship alignment – The first and most important thing to do to affect change is to examine and possibly realign your relationships. We all know that relationships are difficult but they often reflect who we are as we have chosen our partner in the first place. We often choose people that we hope will bring out the best but who actually bring out the worst in us. 

As one expert put it ‘’Often unfinished lessons with Parents are reflected in relationships so that we can break destructive patterns – it is often said ‘’you marry your Father.’’ So we end up in the same type of relationships over and over until we shift that pattern. None of us is perfect, but amazing how we expect the other to be – to fulfil all our needs. Sometimes just acknowledging that they can’t be everything to us is enough to make a huge shift in the connection, letting them off the hook and setting yourself free to fulfil that need in another manner!’’

Home Alignment – Identifying what is blocking the natural flow of energy in a space (Your space) and seeing how that is reflected in the occupants of the home is known as home alignment. We can facilitate the clearing of these blockages to create a healthy, vital flow of energy and a deeper understanding of yourself self and others. We then suggest ways to make your home more harmonious and peaceful and align it with the type of environment you desire. 

Natal chart alignment – Natal Chart Alignment is similar to Home Alignment. According to life alignment coach Elizabeth Leaneagh from the USA, “Here we look at our chart as our own home and where the soul has chosen to connect and live during this lifetime. Each degree in the circle chart represents a look into our journey. We have the opportunity to explore our shadows, our strengths, and how we mature through time.’’ A Natal chart therefore can be a valuable tool to reset our responses in the now.’’

Let me assist you to facilitate positive change through life alignment 

As you can see there are many aspects to life alignment but in essence, they all lead to finding a better way to live with and respond to others. If this change of year is to have any significance then it is through affecting change yourself by resetting your responses and realigning various aspects of your life.

Through my business Self and More and the programs I facilitate to enhance body, mind and soul, I can assist you to do this and I would be very happy to help. Simply talk to me and let us get you started on a positive path to a more peaceful and purposeful life! Enjoy 2022!

 

Divorce – the ABC of handling the big D!

Divorce – the ABC of handling the big D!

by | Dec 15, 2021 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

A divorce can be an extremely difficult process for any couple or family. Regardless of whether children are involved or not there are legal, financial and emotional issues to be dealt with. There can be so many repercussions of divorce and there are many consequences that you may not be aware of or may have underestimated, so this is why you need to tackle three essential criteria. 

We have broken these up into the ABC of handling the big D and they are Astute Advice from an Attorney, Benefitting financially from the break-up and Consulting with someone who can help you to work through emotional issues.

Astute legal Advice 

Divorce can be less daunting than it appears. An uncontested divorce can easily be obtained when there is give and take and if the couple can be objective and allow the attorney to assist. An easily settled divorce is less emotional, quicker and more cost-effective. For that reason, this is usually recommended.

There are two grounds for divorce in terms of South African law, the most common of which is an ‘irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.’ This can happen for many reasons – no longer any love or respect left for each other, if either party has committed adultery and this cannot be resolved, or physical, verbal, alcohol, or drug abuse which can lead to one party no longer being able to continue with the relationship. If only one spouse can show that a marriage has irretrievably broken down, the court will always grant the divorce order. 

As in this case, only one spouse needs to agree to a divorce, this is the process that is usually recommended and can be a reasonably painless one. The other less common ground for a divorce is mental illness or continuous unconsciousness of a spouse and that also has to be proven.

Where there are typically problematic areas including ongoing contact and access arrangements in respect of minor children, or the settling of matrimonial property and maintenance payments, Attorneys well versed in handling divorce matters (not necessarily named as ‘Divorce Attorneys’ ) are very aware of these and can give great assistance to resolve them amicably and expediently. This is always in the best interest of the divorcing couple and the minors involved.

Lindi Smith Attorneys handle these matters with the utmost sensitivity, so before letting your divorce turn into an ugly, messy affair, talk to them to ensure a fair but legally correct outcome for all concerned.

Benefiting financially

It is seldom that one can actually benefit from a divorce scenario, but with the help of a good Financial Advisor you can at least ensure that you don’t come out of the divorce with nothing.

Your Attorney will have already made sure your marriage contract was adhered to and this is when you may be very glad to have had an ANC contract with accrual drawn up before the marriage took place, but nevertheless, assuming there are assets to divide, this is where finances, tax, CGT, insurance and investments in the context of dividing your assets come into play. These are a couple of things, in particular, you need to look into…

Pension benefits and investments

This can be a tricky aspect of dividing finances but you may be entitled to a part of your spouse’s pension benefits. Remember that the non-member’s share is not necessarily simply 50% of the retirement fund value. As one expert puts it “if your spouse is invested in a retirement annuity, the pension interest is the total of all their contributions to the fund up to the date of divorce, plus simple interest at the prescribed rate.” If you are awarded a good percentage of a retirement fund, then it is also imperative that you get good advice on the investments that you make with the money! 

Policies and property 

Don’t be tempted to necessarily remove your spouse from your life and retirement policies to make your children the new beneficiaries. They cannot receive such monies until a certain age if you die prematurely so a trust may be a better alternative.

Also, don’t immediately assume that holding onto the family home is the best idea when it comes to the split. This is a fixed asset and if you are to run into trouble regarding liquidity it may be better to have opted for allowing your spouse to buy out your share of the home putting you into a much more flexible situation. 

This is just the tip of the iceberg, so talk to Melissa Weber of Sovereign Wealth Solutions for all matters relating to finances in a divorce situation.

Consultation with a trauma practitioner

This is only last because it is the ‘C’’ in ABC, but it is probably the most important aspect of dealing well with a divorce, as the trauma of divorce can be devastating and leave one feeling disappointed, angry and emotionally drained.

Sadly, the anger and disappointment are often pointed inwards too and not at your spouse, one of the commonest difficulties of a long term breakup is coming to terms with whether it was in fact you who was to blame.

The reality is that as much as it takes 2 to tango it also takes 2 to tangle, so letting go of these feelings is essential. This is just one of the things accomplished by a good trauma practitioner and others include…

 

  • ‘’My heart is shattered’’ – You work through the sadness, pain, guilt, betrayal and all the other emotions suffered by a broken heart. This is not an easy time and you owe it to yourself to grieve and look inside yourself for answers. Sometimes forgiving yourself is the most healing thing of all, even for just allowing yourself to be used or abused.
  • Navigating your freedom – When marrying, counsellors encourage one to let go of the freedoms you once enjoyed to take on a new life of sharing – now you work on finding ways to embrace your newfound freedom and make the most of being able to pursue what may have been denied to you within the marriage.
  • Dealing with being single again – Similarly, you look at what it means to you to be single again. It is not a curse and one need only look at how many blissfully happy single people there are to see that it may be something you can look forward to and enjoy again.
  • Being a single parent – We talk about the implications of this and how to avoid letting let it become a negative to your children. We discuss existing and possible new support systems and how to deal with the emotional issues that your children may be subjected to at this time. 

‘’So what now?’’ – This, above all, is what Marléne Nunes can assist you to turn from a cry for help to a solid plan to give you a new life of meaning and purpose. 

Seek professional help

It may not be as simple as ABC, but the big D also can be entirely manageable with good advice and guidance. These professional service providers, with their hearts very much in the right place, can take you up and beyond the despair and trauma into a new beginning filled with excitement and hope for a better future.

Stay safe – and be kind to yourself!

 

Coping with trauma over the festive season

Coping with trauma over the festive season

by | Dec 13, 2021 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

As we go into this time of year, with most of us looking forward to our holidays, Christmas and big New year’s celebrations, we are reminded that this is, as it has been affectionately dubbed, ‘the festive season.’

We should never forget though, or be insensitive to the fact that this is, for many, a time that is anything but festive and can be difficult or even quite traumatic. As a Trauma Rehabilitation Facilitator, I have helped numerous clients to come to terms with the emotional upheaval they may feel in this season. This could emanate from sadness around being alone or just no longer spending this time with as much family as you used to. 

Many will have suffered larger trauma’s around the holiday season too like divorce, departing from your home country or the death of loved ones. There is something about this time of year, when all around you are celebrating, that seems to bring these feelings flooding back and you can feel more alone than ever.

One other issue that traumatises people in this ‘season to be jolly’ is the discomfort of family issues, whether visiting them away from home or having them invade yours! All these traumas are normally simply a part of daily life but this time of year just seems to magnify them many times over.

Here then are a few ways that I believe may help you to cope with trauma over the festive season… 

Your actions 

Don’t change anything more than you have to when going through this period, especially the things that you like to do and that keep you grounded. Those who care about you should understand that you need your usual time out for exercise, maintaining your normal sleep patterns as much as possible, and all the things that give you peace of mind. Continue to do things that take your mind off other things, like reading, and the sporting activities you like.

Your focus

Whatever you do, don’t turn to drugs, clinical or otherwise, or alcohol to drown your sorrows. If this means being more moderate and avoiding too many parties then do this. It is very important to say ‘no’’ when others are trying to draw you out of your comfort zone. People will understand – and talking of that, gravitate towards the people that care about you and who do understand. Never underestimate the value of a support system.

Don’t have too many expectations of having a really happy time, but also don’t allow yourself to dwell on your grief. There is a middle ground and it is all about focussing on caring for others who care about you – and being kind to yourself…

Ask for help – and help others

if your cause of sadness is being alone at this time of year, then volunteer to help others. Be part of a group that is taking Christmas cheer to others and you’ll be amazed at how good this makes you feel.

Most importantly, whatever your trauma, talk to me and let me help. Even if you have left it too late for this year don’t carry these feelings into another year, because come this time next year they will start all over again.

Through my business ‘Self and More’ and specifically through TRE and other forms of trauma release techniques, I can help you to cope with trauma over the festive season – and beyond!

Be safe – and be kind to yourself. To all my valued clients, thanks for your support throughout the year and have a blessed Christmas and a life-fulfilling new year.

 

Life Alignment – what is it and is it for me?

Life Alignment – what is it and is it for me?

by | Nov 29, 2021 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

A someone who has always had a fascination and a passion for healing the inner being through aligning body mind and soul, it was inevitable that I would eventually stumble upon and incorporate the principles of Life Alignment into my practice.

Life alignment, it is said, has helped many people throughout the globe to create a life that feels more powerful, and filled with health and abundance. A life where, through love and forgiveness, you feel more connected with yourself and a greater sense of joy and purpose.

Of course, we have heard these kinds of promises and superlatives before and the principle message behind Life Alignment of ‘Everything you need to heal and claim the life that is destined to be yours is already within you’ seems simple and real enough, but what is this practice? What you really want to know is what is it and is it for me?

What is life alignment?

In a scientific explanation, it is said that Life Alignment is a modality that brings transforming tools from the latest findings in quantum physics and kinesiology in a unique way together to optimally support and empower the individual’ Phew – quite a mouthful, well more simply put – ‘The events of our lives, imprinted into our cellular memory influence our emotions!’ That’s not difficult to understand. We are after all a mass of memories and experiences that have in some way or another affected our emotional well-being or the way we look at things.

It is firmly believed, however (and I certainly go along with this), that within our inner being is a higher intelligence that, when accessed, can lead us back through the maze of past experiences and cellular imprints to a clearer understanding of our true gifts and talents and how we can better serve the world. With an understanding of this, we can achieve a life of purpose and meaning and truly achieve all those feelings of love, joy and the ability to forgive. 

Is it for me?

It is probably best to answer this question by asking yourself a few important alternate questions – like…

· Are you feeling feel unfulfilled in your life – Like something important is missing? 

· Are you working in what feels like a meaningless, soulless job?

· Are you hanging on to a bad relationship, unable to break free for fear of your own inadequacies or being terrified of being alone? 

· Are you suffering from a persistent illness or injury, despite endless treatment and medication?

· …or simply feeling a total loss of direction – your life seems ok but you just don’t know what to do next? 

What Life Alignment reveals to us is that deep inside us we do know the answer to all these things and how to live exactly the life we want. We simply have to find this power, harness it and start to live the life we were destined to live before we resigned ourselves to an inferior existence.

Ask for help – or it doesn’t come!

On an outbound experience I recently undertook I encountered an area that had suffered severe drought. As much as the intentions of the locals to revive it and start their lives over were admirable it was clear to me that without outside help this was going to be an impossible task – but they would have to ask for help – it would not be automatically forthcoming.

I am Marléne Nunes and amongst other things, I am a qualified Life Alignment practitioner and I would like to assist your body and mind, focussing on the root cause of your symptoms, to get back on track to the destiny that was always your real life’s purpose. You need only put your hand up – and ask for help and I am there for you. 

Thanks 

I want to extend a huge thank you to all my loyal clientele over the last year and sincerely hope I have been able to assist you to live a better 2021 and feel fully prepared to live a wonderful 2022 –

Be kind to yourself – Happy holidays – and travel safely!

Turn your moving trauma into a positive emotional shift

Turn your moving trauma into a positive emotional shift

by | Oct 29, 2021 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

There is no doubt that moving house is a pretty traumatic experience, especially when the move is to an entirely new area after you have been in one place for many years. It ranks right up there with the things in life that are said to be most stressful, like divorce or losing a loved one.

I recently went through just such an experience and as exciting as it was to head for new pastures (the beautiful west coast resort of Langebaan to be exact), a great shift in that place that you call home will never be without its issues. As a body, mind and soul facilitator though I decided that a lot of the difficult aspects of moving are not unlike some of the great life challenges that most of us face and perhaps in the course of this exercise I could turn my moving trauma into a positive emotional shift! 

Packing and baggage

The first nightmare we encounter when moving is packing. The biggest question here is what to take and what to leave behind. Like millions of others my better half and I have accumulated an extraordinary amount of ‘stuff,’ a lot of which has long outlived its purpose and sat unused on a shelf somewhere.

I realised then that we tend to do exactly the same thing in life. We accumulate emotional baggage, most of which no longer serves any purpose but to remind us of past issues that are really best forgotten, but still, we hang on to it. Why? Now when starting a new life is a perfect time to let it go.

We even hold onto other people’s baggage too. You’ve had an argument in the past that have never been resolved, well isn’t now a great time to let it go? – to forgive and forget and decide when you make that physical shift you are just not going to carry that stuff with you!

My Mom believed that if you have hoarded something for a while you should take it out of the cupboard where it’s in your face every day. If you still don’t use it, then get rid of it. Give it to someone who needs it – heavens knows there are a lot of needy people who do.

Shifting the workplace   

For many people who now work from home as I certainly do, this is an excellent time to give your work environment a facelift too and get rid of the things about your work, or the people you worked with that were simply weighing you down.

Don’t just move the same office into a different space, make some significant changes to the look and feel of where you work and the objects that surround you. From time to time we need to refresh our lifestyles and this is a great time and way to do it.

I’ve made up my mind to seek a whole new clientele in the area, befriend as many people as possible and most importantly, just let go of whatever wasn’t working for me, both in my home and my life!

Are you struggling to let go?

I know that many of you may read this and think, well that’s easy to say, but it’s a different story to let go of the trauma I have been through – it’s going to take more than just moving house. 

Believe me, having been there, I hear you and that is exactly why I have made it my life’s work to assist people with deep-seated trauma. In my business Self and More I combine physical and emotional wellness techniques to enable you to live a more meaningful life with a clear purpose and fewer scars. 

Healing takes time, but I believe that by working together we can get there. Talk to me – I’m there for you – no matter where I am!  

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