At the outset let me say there are no ‘quick fixes’ for the kind of trauma and despair that can be a result of a partner’s infidelity. This article is about trying to have a basic understanding of why people may cheat on their partners and then a few types of treatments that you may find helpful in your journey to reconciliation and peace either as a couple again – or at least within yourself. So how to heal hearts wounded by infidelity? – let’s take a look at a few possible solutions…
Understanding why your partner (or both of you) cheat
It is very important that before immediately reacting to an act of infidelity we accept that we may have had some hand in its cause and at least try to understand why it happened. I have read several great articles on this and one that particularly caught my eye was one that gave 5 simple reasons that may explain the motivations of cheaters. It was from ‘Modern Intimacy’ which can be found on the web and this is just a summary…
- Anger and revenge – When one of the partners feels slighted by the other and out of anger decides to take revenge. This is, sadly, more common than most couples realise and the ‘cycle of revenge’’ needs to be broken.
- Insecurity – low self-esteem is a common reason for cheating, when one partner feels invisible or unloved – or simply down on themselves.
- Sexual inattention – Also a common problem, especially following pregnancy or childbearing when one partner feels unloved and craves reassurance through sexual intimacy.
- Sexy secrets – As old as the beginning of time, sometimes forbidden fruit is just too much of a temptation – especially if it invokes a Man’s feelings of manhood or a woman’s need for rekindled romance and real intimacy.
- Boredom – I quote the article when I say ‘’Often fuelled by shame, anger or fear, boredom that transitions into cheating is typically coupled with inadequate communication in a relationship.’’ I have left this to last because it leads us to one of the best ways to deal with infidelity and that is through…
Communication as a couple
With the assistance of a qualified therapist, communication as a couple on the important issues of why the incident (or re-occurring incidents) happened, what the nature of the incident was, and with whom it occurred (It can also be cheating with pornography or via prostitution etc.) can all assist in beginning a process of healing and reconciliation.
With my own experience as a trauma counsellor and TRE facilitator, I have learned that infidelity most certainly can lead to enormous trauma. One of the worst traumas we can experience is that of betrayal. It is belittling and demeaning, making one feel insecure and inadequate and when these kinds of feelings are a result of any type of event or incident, then this is without a doubt a traumatic experience. If you have already reached a point of no return but just need to heal, this is important therapy.
Life alignment and the ‘Heart’ card
For those who have been reading my articles on ‘Life alignment’ – you will understand that certain vortex cards are used and the heart card can be used both for personal well being when worn on the body as a chakra or energy centre, and in your external environment as a home alignment card physically placed in a strategic part of a room.
When use as either or both of these, the physical heart is opened to love and feelings of forgiveness, trust and optimism. and the balance of masculine and feminine energies are restored to the home. If it sounds far fetched it is based on sound scientific principles espoused by Dr Albert Einstein, so as the old saying goes ‘’don’t knock it until you try it!’’
I am Marléne Nunes and my life’s work, as a victim once myself, is to help those who suffer traumas of any kind. Talk to me about life alignment and any of the other therapies suggested here to assist you and your loved one with how to heal hearts wounded by infidelity.
As always – peace and light!