I have recently published (and hope you have read) a mini-series on the vital role of parenting in creating a supportive childhood. If you missed it, you could catch it here. Essentially it is about how important the role of parents is in shaping the hearts and minds of children, but the question posed by this article is – ‘’now, as a fully grown adult, are you wounded due to childhood parenting issues?’’
Notice that the question is in the present tense because invariably, these childhood wounds linger until they are dealt with, as I illustrated in my E-book, ‘the lingering wounds of the inner child.’ So what exactly are the parents’ actions that primarily result in this wounding still being felt well into adulthood?
Primarily it is about the emotional invalidation of the child in one way or another. There are various ways this occurs, and it is a good idea to look at some of these to identify how you may have been invalidated as a child. Contrary to the popular (but now somewhat antiquated) belief that ‘’children should be seen and not heard,’’ children certainly need to be seen, but just as importantly heard and, most importantly – understood!
Feeling that you are seen, heard, and understood and that it is perfectly ok to be so will lead you into confident adulthood. Where many parents, unfortunately, go wrong is that either through a lack of understanding of the full extent of these needs in a child will express love but fall short of providing full emotional validation – or (in extreme cases) they will be unaware of (or not care about) this critical need and this is where a child can be so severely wounded that these emotions will carry on into adolescence and linger through to full adulthood.
Examples of Emotional invalidation.
There are several examples of emotional invalidation, so examine if you were, as a child, subjected to any of the following…
- Your parents behaved like they were listening but didn’t hear you, making you feel that you were never really heard – or just as damaging as parents who act like your buddies leaving you undisciplined and your life unstructured. An extreme case is your parents making you feel like you’re the parent and not them, leading to premature responsibility issues.
- Possibly, your feelings were ignored by parents who didn’t believe children should have real feelings and opinions. Worse, your critical emotional validation needs of being seen, heard, and understood were ignored.
- Did you possibly have a learning or some other difficulty that was ignored, making you feel inadequate, and your strengths never acknowledged? Or were your expressions of emotions thrown back at you, producing fits of frustration and anger? These negative emotions invariably carry into adulthood!
In essence, if you were not heard, made to feel that you shouldn’t have needs, or not allowed to express yourself emotionally, these would have led you to believe you have little self-worth, shouldn’t ask for or accept help, and it is better to hide your feelings than to trust in them – or yourself!
I can help
As someone who was subjected to this emotional invalidation as a child, I am deeply invested in this subject of the lingering wounding of the inner child and can help those who have also been its victims.
I am an experienced trauma release facilitator, QEC Provider, and Life Alignment Practioner, all of which have brought me to the point of focusing on the inner child and shifting through the wounds myself and with clients. If you desire to find your purpose, these healing the inner child sessions are for you and will lead into Soul Plan as the first activity and then a 6-week inner child course with the e-book above as a gift.
There is no need to suffer through childhood trauma and inner wounding on your own at any age; life is meant to be one of possibility rather than living in fear. Visit my website at Self and More, and talk to me about releasing yourself from the inner wounding suffered as a child. It could be stunting your growth as an adult and preventing you from achieving a meaningful life filled with purpose.
As always – much love.