The vital role of parenting to create a supportive childhood – Part 2
As I mentioned in my last article I have recently written and published an E-book on ‘the lingering wounds of the inner child.’ It is freely available (as part of a hands-on program I offer to deal with this) to anyone who has issues with having been wounded in childhood in some way or another.
My last article on the vital role of parenting to create a supportive childhood – part 1 started looking at just one aspect of how we can try to avoid the wounding of the inner child by looking at how we as parents can try to avoid this scarring in our children. It would be a better world if we were all more set on the prevention of such things in the way that we parent our own children.
In that article, I touched on the first 2 aspects of this which were a) the importance of just being present! This means physically and emotionally and being a supportive parent who listens to the child and is there for them particularly in times of stress. b) secondly, along with the security a child feels when you are always present, goes consistency and routine. This makes a child have an orderly life. Now in this, the second part of the series, let us continue…
Uniqueness and acceptance
What allows a child to grow as a unique individual is to have that uniqueness recognised and for the child to be accepted for who they are. It is dangerous for you to push them toward being the person you would like them to be. They need reassurance and a relaxed safe environment to develop their unique abilities and talents.
Acceptance and approval, like love, should never be conditional. Recognise their efforts and reward them with encouragement and advice. This becomes a strong motivator for a child to succeed, in their own organic way.
Many times, has it been said ‘’If you spare the rod, you spoil the child’’ and to a certain extent it is true as discipline is a very necessary part of healthy childhood growth, but not when ‘the rod’ is incorrectly used and becomes an object of fear! Children require healthy boundaries within which to grow and develop.
Fair, consistent discipline is required for children to understand what is acceptable in societal norms, what is expected of them, and what the limits are when it comes to reacting to the things they may not like. Learning to respond rather than react. (this is true for us as adults too)
Importantly though, discipline should always be consistent, fair, and never harshly administered as this can only lead to fear and that doesn’t result in children who learn self-control and self-discipline in a healthy way.
All you need is love
More than anything else, parenting should always be based on pure unconditional love, the kind of love you only feel for your children, as this parental love is felt above all else by the child as he/she grows. A child born into a loving, supportive environment, regardless of wealth or status, will always flourish over a child who feels like a burden to its parents or one that is best ‘seen and not heard!’
This is where the wounding of the inner child begins, and it lingers if love is absent in the child’s life. A child who is not laughing is a child not living as it should – so ask yourself – how many times did your child laugh today?
I can help
Whether you are a parent feeling unsure and inadequate of how to give your child this very necessary loving support throughout its childhood and into adolescence, perhaps this is not something you have ever experienced either, or if you feel that you yourself were the subject of this wounding of the inner child and it’s time to heal from it, I can help.
Through my coaching practice @ Self and More, I assist people to work through trauma irrespective of its origin, connect with me and let’s work together to encourage the release of the self-doubts and the pain you feel lingering from your own childhood and/or assist you with learning more about yourself in order to adapt and grow to confidently ensure that your child does not suffer the same or worse fate.
Watch this space for a sequel to this series where I look at recognising if you were invalidated as a child and what you can do if this vital role of parenting to create a supportive childhood was not present in your childhood.