There is one big ‘’F word that every Bride and Groom will never want to hear and it is Failure! Failure of their marriage – Failure, as a couple standing at the altar, to make the thing that they so treasure work “until,’’ as the Preacher says ‘’death do you part.’
Ironically there are a few other F words that, had they taken the time to sit and discuss or actively deal with before reaching the altar, might have been helped them to avoid that failure from ever happening. These are common conflict areas – the things that cause the arguments that ultimately bring about the failed marriage, and they are best attended to well before you even decide to tie the knot.
They are, however, also issues that may only come to the fore much later in marriage and after being married for several years you find yourself dealing with things that were never problem areas before. Well, this is for you too so read on…
I went into this in some detail in a previous article ‘Important things to do before you say I do’ and it talks about having the right marriage contract in place as well as astute financial advice. Suffice to say this is one of the most common areas of conflict and I urge you to read the article and address these things long before starting a financial partnership together, which is a part of what a marriage is.
In the same article, I also mentioned that it is a good idea to go and do some of your bucket list things that you wanted to do as a single person before you become part of a couple. This will be useful but make sure that you both get the same opportunity and freedom to do so.
A very important point I want to make though is that, once married, freedom is still an issue and can be one of great conflict if you have never established what your ideas of freedom in marriage are. One person’s freedom can be another’s prison. A few nights out with the boys (or girls) every month could seem excessive to someone who prefers to spend quality time with their spouse and whose idea of freedom is to slip off to have a quiet bath now and again.
Unfortunately, family and family ties can also be a common conflict issue and are also best addressed in advance. Firstly, establishing whether you want to have children or not, or if either partner already has children, how are they to be dealt with within the relationship?
The same applies to ‘in-laws’ and this can come up well into an established marriage too. For some people family ties are essential and for others, they could not care less, or they may not even have a family. The important thing to establish is what you both want your family unit to look like and become. What boundaries will you agree to draw with invasive relatives etc?
Sadly a common cause of failed marriages is one partner’s fear of failure of the marriage. This could come from the repetition of past issues that were not explored and dealt with before the marriage – or they could be very real fears based on things happening in the marriage, like neglect, abuse (physical or verbal) etc.
The F words that can save you
If, as you read this you have any doubts or fears about these common conflict areas either becoming, or already being barriers within your relationship, the good news is that there are a couple of ‘F’ words that can also help you to ensure your marriage gets off on the right foot, or can still be saved after years of conflict.
These are firstly, Facing up to conflict – and having done so, Finding common ground to solve the issues. Through a process of unravelling possibly unexplored past issues and establishing if one or the other partner is causing conflict through their inability to find peace within themselves, I can assist with establishing all the right goal posts up-front – or getting teetering relationships back on track.
As a Life Coach in my business Self and More, through facilitating health and emotional wellness of body, mind and soul, I have assisted many people with finding a life of purpose and meaning encompassing every aspect of their life – including their marriage.
So, talk to me and let’s ensure you don’t let any of these common ‘F’ words cause your marriage to fail! Be safe and be kind to yourselves.