Has freeze replaced fight or flight as a response to fear?

Has freeze replaced fight or flight as a response to fear?

Right now with the recent events in the world, many people are feeling like they are simply in a state of limbo. What do you do when you don’t feel you can fight an unseen or unknown enemy or threat, as we have seen over the past 18 months, and flight is not an option? The result ultimately is that many of us, locked in our protective bubbles, have simply become frozen in time and space. 

Fear is the enemy

Added to these feelings of helplessness and being in limbo is the fear of the consequences of the recent unrest in our country. Now many of us suddenly don’t even feel safe in our bubbles and again begin to question these fight or flight options. 

Should we remain and fight our fears, or (like no doubt many will choose, as soon as they can travel freely again) should we head for what we believe to be safer pastures? Whatever your choices may be (albeit unconscious) and especially if you feel like remaining frozen is the only option available when facing any kind of fear, you need to learn a new response consciously based on the awareness of what triggers your fears. 

Simply ignoring how you are feeling emotionally and putting it on the back burner, will see you emotionally crippled before you know it – and then totally unable to make any important decisions that serve you or the greater humanity. 

Where are you right now?

The first and most important thing to do is to ask yourself (and honestly answer) a couple of important questions. “How are you feeling right now?” – and “how are you experiencing life at this moment?”

If you are feeling fear and, frozen in your response to it, living your life in limbo, then ask yourself this…”If there were skills you could acquire to release yourself from these fears and successfully fight the emotional upheaval and sense of limbo you have been feeling – would you do so?” – Or “as the leader of a workforce – if you could snap your employees out of this state of apathy that has resulted in poor productivity and little creative input – would you try to?”

An effective solution is at hand

To assist people struggling with emotional dis-regulation causing disharmony that ultimately will lead to impacting their physical bodies and cognitive functions, I am facilitating a 6-week workshop that will enable the utilisation of effective techniques and processes to release the fears and pain and move forward again.

It will equip you with the skills to move through your emotional responses to triggers with more insight, thereby negating their power over your responses. This is the art of self-regulation.

For many of us, flight is not an option, so it’s time for us to be more resourceful and open to alternate possibilities in the midst of what may seem like chaos. As a Master Coach, through my Coaching platform Self and More, I facilitate the combination of body, mind and soul practices to enable people in all walks of life to enjoy positive, productive lives with meaning and purpose, regardless of whatever trauma or circumstances they may have or be facing.

Sign up for the course – or just talk to me, and let me assist you to deal with whatever might be causing you to freeze when facing your fears.

Stay safe – and stay invested in your wellbeing!

 

 

Are your values adding value to your life?

Are your values adding value to your life?

Once again we are being driven back into our COVID cocoons, sheltering ourselves from wave after wave of this cursed and relentless pandemic.

Like facing a tsunami that just won’t quit, many of us are drowning in financial issues, relationship issues and our issues of feeling helpless and scared of an onslaught that is bigger than all of us.

Even our work is no longer about the workplace but for many some remote work space that leaves us feeling detached and re-examining our life paths. Suddenly. change has swiftly left us all feeling unable to control our lives or our destiny – and that doesn’t sit easily with anyone. 

This is a time when AA’s serenity prayer “’God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference” seems very relevant to all of us.

So what can I, as a life and business coach, say to support you at this time? Well, firstly have the courage to examine the main thing in your life that can assist you to be at least more in control of your own feelings, emotions and reactions to this uncontrollable situation: your core values.

The lockdown situation has been a challenging one from all angles, not the least of which is our relationships, so this article sets out to try to give you a list of the values that will help to support you, drive you and make you someone not only happy within themselves but, at least, for the most part, a pleasure to be with!

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?

You need to think about the values you hold and whether these are your values or if they derived from the influences of others in your family or community, the media (particularly social media – sometimes very misleading!), the Government, or simply archetypal influences – i.e. women are expected to be nurturers and men are expected to be providers!

Don’t get me wrong – it is important and helpful to have some good core values. They can make life decisions and goals easier to create and define, and relationships easier to decide on. One with clear core values is less likely to have negative thought patterns, especially in difficult life situations, be more easily able to tolerate physical pain, have greater self-discipline and stronger social connections.

This is all good and well and if we were all the same and happy to adhere to a set of archetypal core values, we would not need to examine our values, but the reality is that we are not and if we are to live fulfilled and meaningful lives we must establish that the core values we hold are driving us forward and not just anchoring us to keep our heads underwater when we face the storms of life. As the pandemic has too clearly shown us: there is a finite time for which you can hold your breath! 

ARE YOUR VALUES HELPING YOU OR HOLDING YOU BACK?

To ultimately live the best life we can, one with meaning and purpose, we need to analyse and examine our values and ensure that we are living by what makes us tick and not just led by the influences of the masses. 

We also need to be cognisant of whether the values that we hold to be right are not making value judgements and being projected onto others. These would be values like culture, age, colour, religion etc…

HOW DO YOU DEFINE VALUES?

A very good article I read from Soul Salt speaks specifically about how we can define our values so that they become valuable to us and assist us to be comfortable, driven and inspired by those we admire to be better people ourselves.

Three very important questions you can ask yourself (and do take the time to ponder and write down your responses) to ensure your values are positive and adding value to your life are:

Who inspires you? As you think about these people, write down what it is about them that inspires you? The admirable qualities they possess and the behaviours and actions you would like to emulate.

What drives you? What are the things that make you want to take action and achieve something positive? Then think about the feelings that motivated you to take such action, what you were willing to risk in that situation and the results of taking action – what you gained or lost.

When are you comfortable with your values – and yourself? Think about when you are feeling very uncomfortable in a situation, as if your values are being undermined or insignificant to the other. Think about who you’re with at these times, what feelings are triggered and what these experiences cost you emotionally or physically.

Also, think on the opposite – the times that you felt very comfortable in a situation and your values were being re-enforced. When, as some would say, you become the ‘authentic’ you. At these times think about who you were: did they in any way inspire you? Also, think about the things you are usually doing when you feel authentic and how these feelings impact your life and your general well-being.

Now write down all the values that relate to the positive experiences and aspects of each of these three things. Be precise and ruthless, so you are left with just a small set of the most important values for you.

It is so important to keep these positive experiences firmly within your valued collection of positive values! You can also ask yourself: having done this soul searching – are your values perhaps defining you? At the end of the day, the trick is to ascertain how you can re-define your values to be a better you! 

VALUES AND THE OTHER

We need to recognise that we are all very different from others. Many of us in the lockdown situation have been forced to recognise this as we suddenly realise that we don’t share quite the same values as our significant others – our spouses or partners and children.

Remember, you can only be your authentic self, so the best way you can become someone who accommodates and lives comfortably with others is to be comfortable with the values that drive you and make you happy. Being comfortable with yourself, and accepting that we possess different values, automatically makes you someone easier for others to be with because you are less likely to be judging them.

Remember these values will change throughout your life, and in certain circumstances (like those we are currently experiencing), so this is not a once-off exercise, but one that needs to be revisited from time to time when necessary. 

VALUE-DRIVEN COACHING

My business, Self and More is dedicated to assisting others through holistically combining body, mind and soul techniques that lead to a more meaningful and purposeful life. I can assist you personally, or your business team, virtually or in-person when permitted, to ensure your life choices and clearly defined values are adding value to your life!

Talk to me about having a value-driven conversation about ensuring that your values can lead you through this storm and face wave after wave of adversity – accepting the things you cannot change and changing the things you can!

Be safe – be mindful and be positive.  

Love and light, as always,

Marléne

What is a Business coach – and do I need one?

What is a Business coach – and do I need one?

What is a Business coach – and do I need one?                              

Many people confuse Business Coaches with Life Coaches, understandably so because there are some common goals and many Business Coaches are also Life Coaches. As confusing as that may sound, all be revealed as we explore these two questions “What is a Business Coach – and do I need one?’’ 

It may be helpful if you read my previous article on ‘What is a Life Coach (and do I need one)? As you will already have a clearer idea of exactly what Life Coaches do. There is however a significant difference between these two types of Coaches so let’s begin with…

What is a Business Coach?

In essence, the Business Coach works on Coaching the Business Owner to achieve their goals for the business. That is the focus of the Business Coach, but this often involves working on the skills and aspirations of the individuals in the business, which is where some Life Coaching skills come in. So, obviously there is some integration of the two disciplines.

To simplify it a little – as one observer put it ”A Business Coach will assist and guide the Business Owner in running a business by helping them clarify the vision of their business and how it fits in with their personal goals. Business coaching is a process used to take a business from where it is now to where the business owner wants it to be.”

The Business Coach assists the owner – or his team, depending on the circumstances to set crystal clear goals and definitions of their values and work priorities. Together with the Business Owner, the Coach then maps out ways and timelines to achieving these goals. 

A clear action plan is created on how to move ahead and progress, but along the way, the Business Coach guides and assists you to stay on track. There are of course many elements to a Business Coaching program – from the business plan to the people, to the financial aspects of maintaining the bottom line – and every Business Coach will have a different strategy.

What’s the difference between a Life Coach and a Business Coach?

The essential difference between Life and Business Coaching is that Life Coaching is usually conducted with the individual and Business Coaching is usually conducted with, or on behalf of, the Business Owner. Having said that, when conducting Business Coaching it is still the individual Business Owner or the individuals in the business who are being Coached.

One of the easier ways to make the distinction between the Life Coach and the Business Coach, because it is important to hire the right one, is to look at the things that they aspire to achieve….

The Life Coach

The Life Coach will work on things like making positive personal changes to find more purpose in life. Improve personal relationships through assisting with stress release, spiritual growth, making better decisions etc. Deal with life changes like divorce, death, moving, job losses etc. Generally try to create a more meaningful and holistic life by combining personal, spiritual, family, work and physical growth. At Self and More this is very much a Focus – but then I am also a Business Coach.

The Business Coach

The Business Coach is more likely to examine and work on leadership styles and listening skills, leadership influence, the business’s vision and purpose and these include strategies, business planning, goal setting etc. The Business Coach will also try to improve communication, decision making, work ethic and team building amongst employees etc.

How do I know if I need a Business Coach?

Coming to the second part of the title ‘’Do I need a Business Coach,” there are a couple of pretty obvious signs that you and your business could benefit from hiring one…

You need independent, objective input – Some business owners simply cannot see the wood for the trees and are missing the opportunities that lie right in front of them. It takes a Coach with an objective point of view sometimes to come in to examine and evaluate your business – where it is succeeding and where it’s going wrong. Wherever there are problems the issue may be with the people, the management style, the strategy or more importantly the culture of the business – and it takes that independent viewpoint to recognise and rectify it.

You feel frustrated and stuck in a rut – Like many Business Owners you started your business with grand ideals but somehow they have not come to fruition and you don’t know why. You can’t seem to get things off the ground or make any significant change. Well, a Business Coach’s assessment can be exactly what you need to reignite the fire in your business and get you back on track. 

You don’t feel that your staff are working as a team – Many businesses fail to progress simply because there is poor leadership, poor communication, poor work ethic amongst the staff – or all of these. A particular strength of any good Business Coach is the ability to ascertain where the problem lies in this situation and get your team and management working happily together – as a cohesive unit, inspired and with the same vision and goals that you have! 

Can some people be life and business coaches?

The answer to this is a resounding yes as I am exactly this. I am a Master Coach trained as a Master NLP Practitioner, a QEC, Enneagram, Life Alignment Practitioner and Advanced TRE Provider and a Mind & Body Practitioner. The combination of these achievements qualifies me to be both a Life Coach and Business Coach – and quite a lot more. 

Further to this, I have 33 years of corporate working experience, including the personal experience of retrenchment, personal trauma and loss, and these have all assisted me to integrate this knowledge into a wide range of highly effective business and personalised life coaching skills over the past 10 years.

Working on myself I realised that I had a special gift to help others. My work, therefore, is at a deeper level and very authentic, but still with a determination to attain impressive results with every individual or Business Owner who is willing to grow through self-awareness and improvement.

I am Marléne Nunes and my business is Self and MoreTalk to me and let me try to assist you to be the best you, or the best business you can be. Often the two are inextricably linked. Stay safe and stay positive.