It’s time to float – not swim against the current

It’s time to float – not swim against the current

by | Jan 27, 2021 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

As someone whose life is about facilitating ways for others to overcome challenges, realise their best attributes and live a meaningful, positive life, I hear about a lot of concern in times such as these.

We are being bombarded by continually bad news and living through events that often make us feel like we have little or no control. We have been thrust into the second year of a pandemic that has been strengthened by developing a second strain, often thrown into the dark by Eskom, and as a result of the turmoil of last year, many of us are facing financially difficult times too.

Breathe – and float.

OK, so that’s where we all stand. Let’s take a deep breath – and look at sensible ways to deal with this. So, many of us are thinking – “what are we going to do about it?” Well, more often than not it is trying to control and fight against forces greater than us that just get us further into our state of panic or despair.

Many of life’s greatest lessons are learned by simply observing certain laws of nature. Those who step into quicksand will only sink deeper the more they struggle. Those who try to swim against a strong current will tire and possibly drown but had they simply floated they would have been eventually carried by the tides back to shore. Right now – it’s time to float – not swim against the current!

We need to try to avoid making our current predicament something much greater than it needs to be. We will all react differently and we are all feeling the impact of what is happening in different ways but a few general rules could help us all…

Don’t control – accept and bend

When torrential winds blow only the mighty oak with a massive root system will withstand it – or the supple palm which bends so far that it appears to be bowing to the greater force. What will you do?

 Are you so deeply rooted that you can withstand anything? Well few of us are – so take your lead from the Palm. Don’t try to control or change the situation. Accept that it is happening, make sensible contingency plans and calmly accept that ‘it is what it is.’ Console yourself with the knowledge that history has shown us that all things eventually pass.

Fight fear

Fear is the toughest thing we all have to fight, but fear can also be good. It warns us to not do anything stupid. Rather fear the virus than go to parties not wearing a mask, but whatever you do – don’t live with fear to the extent that you ignore having a life at all! 

Rather simply ask yourself ‘So what’s the worst that can happen?’ Invariably when you ponder that question you will realise there is less to fear than you think. If you are a spiritual person who believes in a higher power you might find that fear is easier to overcome – it’s up to you how you do it – but don’t succumb to it.

Spread positive energy

It only takes a few people to spread positive energy to thousands and even millions of others. Be one of these people. Don’t allow negative people into your life and when you have no option then stand firmly against negative utterings, countering with positive ones. Remember that perceptions are inevitably projected onto others, so don’t let others project negative perceptions onto you. 

Let’s start 2021 on a positive footing

So many people are already throwing up their arms in surrender to 2021, believing it is just an extension of 2020 – well it isn’t. It is just a series of days and months on a calendar. What matters is that in every day in any year you have your own positive energy, finding solutions to your problems and not fearing the future.

Talk to me if you are fearing the coming year or doubting where your future lies – or if you are the leader of a team of people that needs to overcome negative perceptions and fear and start 2021 on a positive footing!

My business is Self and More, spawned by my successful triumph over my own past challenges and based on the belief that every individual is unique, special, uniquely gifted and deserves a satisfying meaningful life.

Float – don’t swim against the current – and this storm too shall pass. Have a spectacular year and be safe!

Enter 2021 with a mind-set that will serve you well

Enter 2021 with a mind-set that will serve you well

by | Dec 10, 2020 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

2020 was a year probably most of us will choose to forget. Filled with unexpected twists and turns, some of them gut-wrenching from a psychological point of view, some so stressful they led to broken marriages and disrupted families and sadly innumerable physical destruction, both as a direct result of the COVID-19 virus or through stress and the inability to cope.

There are millions of people on the planet whose lives have been totally disrupted, they have lost loved ones, jobs businesses and worst of all even family members, so how on earth do we go into another year that currently promises more of the same, with a positive, constructive mind-set?

Well, I’m that irritating ‘glass half full’ person that believes we can if we choose to – so if you’re willing to try, these are four important questions you need to answer to ensure you will enter 2021 with a mind-set that will serve you well…

What did 2020 make you feel?

Yes, the old Psychoanalyst’s question ‘how did that make you feel?’ is an important one. It is essential that we are honest about this and don’t do what so many do and say “Well it is what it is” and sweep it under the carpet.

For heaven’s sake, many of us were for the first time were made to realise that we are not really in control of our own lives. We were merrily going about our business when ‘wham!’ the rug was pulled out from under us and we were all forced into a state of compromise and acceptance of something bigger than all of us. 

That is pretty shattering in itself – so I ask again “How did it make you feel?” Angry, hopeless, scared, terrified, and bitter? Or maybe you were a little relieved that you were given something of a change from the humdrum of normality?

Maybe you were happy with spending more time at home and did some fun stuff together with the family. Maybe you learned to cook, or garden, or read more. Yes, if you think about it, it probably it wasn’t all bad. So that’s the good stuff you must own now, pack it in your 2021 rucksack and take it with you.

How can you release the bad stuff?

Having decided to take some of the positive aspects of 2020 with you, now you need to release the things that were holding you back and stifling you in that time. 

Usually, this is primarily an acceptance of change. Prolific American author Joseph Campbell said, “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” 

Accept that things do change and we have to change with them. Those most affected by what happened in 2020 were those with the most resistance to change. Those who embrace change immediately searched for alternate lifestyles, businesses and better ways of communication.     

 What do you choose to feel in 2021?

I love this quotation from Isabel Gillies, Author of ‘Happens Every Day: An All Too True Story’ – “I believe in love. I believe in hard times and love winning. I believe marriage is hard. I believe people make mistakes. I believe people can want two things at once. I believe people are selfish and generous at the same time. I believe very few people want to hurt others. I believe that you can be surprised by life. I believe in happy endings.”

It is not that anything she says is profound, but it is refreshingly honest. The reality is that we only find freedom when we can be true to our own feelings – and we own these thoughts, so choose what you want to feel in 2021. Receive the hand you are dealt with gratitude – at least you’re still in the game!

How will you receive whatever it brings?

So, how will you receive whatever 2021 is going to dish up? Will you be more prepared this time if 2021 isn’t what we hope it will be? Are you ready now to accept that the world inside us is not necessarily the world around us?

Life is a balance. Maybe 2021 will be more of the same but it will just mean more light at the end of a longer tunnel. Whatever the outcome, it will change eventually – as does everything else. 

An attitude of gratitude

Prepare your entry into 2021 with an attitude of gratitude for all the blessings you have – and try to have a balanced life – there should always be time for you – and equal time for the other.

To be balanced, lead a life that encompasses a holistic approach – including body, mind and soul, to finally experience the Self and More!

I am always there for you – and truly grateful for your support and what I have learned from you this year. I sincerely wish you all a blessed festive season and happiness and prosperity in 2021 – Whatever it may bring!

How to manage the stress of renovations

How to manage the stress of renovations

by | Nov 18, 2020 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

Stress comes in many forms, with the death of a loved one, divorce, moving and financial stresses being rated amongst the highest. Another highly stressful event (probably in the top ten) is that of doing home renovations.

With the pandemic drawing us all into our homes to conduct our work, and thousands of people subsequently realising that working from home has many advantages, home renovations are popular right now, but many are not prepared for the kind of stress that this can trigger.

Having recently undergone home renovations myself I realised that there are a few simple ways to reduce the stress of renovating. I hope you find them useful – they certainly assisted me to prevent pulling my hair out and facing a charge of manslaughter!

Get the right crew 

I have made this the first point because I cannot overestimate its importance. Get recommendations and references from people who have done successful renovations with crews that they know and trust. Remember there are often a few different aspects to the whole operation, so choosing the right network of accomplished people is essential. 

Communication is key

Like with any relationship, peace is dependent on good communication. Ensure you will have one point of contact throughout the project if you have one builder who is appointing sub-contractors. This is the best way to go because he becomes accountable to you and all the other contractors are accountable to him. 

Minimising the communication stream with one individual with whom you communicate well will help negotiations. At the same time, make sure your contact point educates the team that they are entering your space and introduces you to the whole team so you can communicate with them individually when necessary.

Control your anger 

Be aware from the outset that if you lose your cool when people don’t seem to be responding to you, you will come off looking like the bad guy and communication will deteriorate as the project goes on.

Once again that’s why it’s so important to have that one point of contact. I have several anger management techniques if you feel yourself being angered easily, but a general rule of thumb is to exercise that old method of ‘counting to 10’ and asking yourself if it’s really necessary to react before engaging with anyone.

Have confidence and understanding

Remember that if you have chosen the right people the renovators will know what they are doing. When you get frustrated ask yourself if the frustration is really necessary, or possibly just because you don’t understand what the crew are doing. Ask questions before exploding!

Also, remember that tradespeople are just people too – some of the nicest people – so have some patience with them. If they appear to be a bit ‘off’ to you, they may be suffering frustrations of their own.

Avoid the misleading mindset

Remember that you have probably heard a thousand times that renovations are a ‘nightmare,’ so avoid going into this with a misleading pre-emptive mindset. Make up your mind that your renovations will be different and have a positive outcome.

If you choose the right crew who will go the extra mile, have one good point of communication and conduct yourself as someone who is understanding and open to suggestions, the chances are that this will not be the stressful event you expected it to be.

Through my business Self and More, I assist people to deal with stress and improve themselves through a holistic body, mind and soul approach. I hope you have found this helpful and don’t hesitate to contact me if I can help you to deal with whatever stressful situations you may be facing.

Be kind to yourself – and stay safe!

 

 

Starting anew is all about you – not seasonal, but personal – part 2

Starting anew is all about you – not seasonal, but personal – part 2

by | Oct 19, 2020 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

I seldom write on any subject in 2 parts, but the issue of ‘starting anew’ and transformation is such a big one and so important at this critical time following the pandemic, that it seemed appropriate to do so.

Many of us have had to reassess our lives and our futures, some of us in massive ways. The change of a job, or having to sell a home, or emotional issues that have arisen from being in close confines with each other, are all possible casualties of what we have just experienced.

It is vitally important for our mental and emotional well-being that we approach this ‘starting anew’ in the right way. As the title says – it may be spring, but starting anew is all about you – not seasonal, but personal.

As I mentioned in the first part of the article I learned some interesting things from the observations of Dr Barton Goldsmith PhD on this subject. I mentioned a couple of them to you and here are a couple more you may find useful …

Starting over is not always by choice

These trying times have meant that many of us have had to start over as opposed to choosing to start over. Avoid becoming angry about this, accepting life does sometimes take turns you don’t expect – and don’t feel bad if you need to get help. Just remember you can always help those who are helping you now somewhere down the line.

Starting over presents new opportunities

Sometimes when you are forced to try something new it can be a good thing. It requires acquiring new skills – and this can never be bad. Change is inevitable. Whether it is happening now or at some other time it will happen – so embrace it – at your own pace and in your own way, but don’t try to just ignore it.

Transforming at one’s own pace

As far as my own observations are concerned, as I said in part 1:  “We had to radically change our way of thinking and our behaviour to align with COVID-19 and the ensuing lockdown. Just as that transformation had to be at one’s own pace, we should, at our own pace and within our emotional capabilities, begin to start again.”

This is really the essence of the message. Transformation should never be measured by anyone else’s pace and there is no ‘norm’ when it comes to stating anew. For us to go from just surviving to thriving after such an event we need to understand what we have learned from this time. If you are not sure, that is exactly what I may be able to assist you with, as it often takes an objective viewpoint to reveal such things.

Get on the bus

Having ascertained that, we do need to keep moving forward, but we must remember it is like getting on a bus, the final destination of which we don’t know. It doesn’t really matter, as long as we go only as far as we want to – and get off where we want to go!

Within my business Self and More, through combining body, mind and soul techniques and practices I can assist you to become aware of your innermost feelings, strength and weaknesses to become transformed as a highly effective individual with a meaningful life and a true purpose.

Talk to me and let’s see if we can take this journey together. In the meantime keep being the unique and special person that you are – and keep safe!

Starting anew is all about you – not seasonal, but personal – part 1

Starting anew is all about you – not seasonal, but personal – part 1

by | Sep 19, 2020 | Coaching, General, Pilates, TRE

As we emerge from our COVID-19 cocoons we are constantly reminded of the importance of starting over – starting fresh – starting anew! Especially as we move into spring, we are told it is a time of renewal and new beginnings – now is the time to sow the seeds for the harvest we hope to reap in the summer. 

Well, certainly there are seasons in nature and a circle of life. From sowing sperm to childbirth and ultimately to reaching a ‘ripe’ old age when, hopefully, if we have learned enough, we can offer at least some digestible wisdom to those who will restart the cycle.

Starting anew, however, I would contend, is not seasonal. If anything it is potentially emotionally hazardous to fall into the trap of being told that because we have reached the end of a cycle of events it is time for personal change.

Starting again after the pandemic will be a very different experience for each of us and should be treated as such.

Some ‘starting over’ advice 

Each individual has to sow and reap within their comfort zone and at their own pace. I read some interesting material in an excellent article by Dr Barton Goldsmith PhD about starting over. Although nothing is quoted verbatim, some reference is made to this as I echo a few of the observations aligned with the gist of this article.

Progress is not dissimilar to climbing a flight of stairs 

Every individual has their own way. Some may be in shape to leap up two steps at a time, some may fear heights and take it one step at a time, occasionally even going back a step until they have, within their comfort zone, reached the top.

Regression can spawn new beginnings

You may have suffered some bad losses in the pandemic – loss of a job, a business or even a home. Remember though that life does go on and sometimes change can be the start of something spectacular! You do need to get re-started but do what feels right to you.

Set your own ‘new norm.’

Emerging from the feelings and physical changes that the pandemic has engendered within us is something deeply personal and one should not be coerced into going along with what we are being told is the ‘new norm.’

We had to radically change our way of thinking and our behaviour to align with COVID-19 and the ensuing lockdown. Just as that transformation had to be at one’s own pace, so should we, at our own pace and within our emotional capabilities, begin to start again.

Let me help

It is essential that we can express what we have learned and experienced in the past few months and that is where I believe I can assist. Through my business Self and More I offer personal coaching and several body, mind and soul disciplines that assist individuals to align with their real purpose in life.

This comes through an understanding of what you want, your strengths and weaknesses and transformation from within – at your own pace! Watch this space for part 2 on this subject – and in the interim talk to me and let me help you to sow in your season and reap when you’re ready to. Be safe – and always in the self!

 

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