It was just a few months ago, ironically on the threshold of the lockdown, that we celebrated International Women’s day, where the main theme was the attainment of global gender equality, through self-empowerment. This month we have been celebrating our National Women’s Month and more than ever we have been shown how necessary this initiative is.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, almost 2/3rds of the jobs that were lost were by women. Certainly, women are the primary nurturers and in two-income homes would have been assigned to be the ones who focussed on the housebound children, but this still pointed squarely to gender equality. In a country where many children are fatherless, just imagine the impact on the women who are the sole breadwinners!

Change must be actioned

We can’t sit around simply waiting for things to change on their own as gender equality is something that women have been seeking for many generations and probably will continue to do so for many years to come. Without a doubt, women need to, through their own self-empowerment, action this change.

Shining examples 

If we look at some of the women who have been great role models for other women, we see a kind of common strength and resilience, but it doesn’t belie their femininity.

Recently Former Vice President Joe Biden, the presumptive nominee for President of the United States, announced that he had selected Senator Kamala Harris of California as his running mate for the next elections – the first black American woman to be in such a position. Harris is an inspiration and there have been many others – like Mother Theresa, Brené Brown, Oprah Winfrey and a personal favourite – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Eleanor inspired women with quotes like “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” and “Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you’ll be criticized anyway.” In essence, both these statements beckon women to take ownership of who they are. Unless they do that the perception that men have of them will not change.

Shifting perceptions is the key

D.H. Lawrence once remarked that “The future of humanity will be decided not by relations between nations, but by relations between women and men.” The problems that we face regarding gender equality goes right back to perceptions that are formed as children and young adults. We need to change these perceptions if women are to accept their own power and men are to respect that they possess it.

We need to examine what we are teaching our Sons and Daughters. If the sole objective for the young woman is the home with the picket fence and a subservient role as the homemaker – and the young man is not taught a healthy respect for women, or to see her as an equal in every respect, we cannot expect gender equality to just happen.

Women need to stop feeling like the weaker sex – to realise that they have a position of great influence and responsibility in the home or the workplace and they are capable of making the same choices as male counterparts.

Overcoming obstacles in the self

Through my personal coaching and TRE sessions in my business Self and More, I help women and men to shift the filtered perceptions about each other and empower themselves. In so doing, they build better relationships and become more satisfied and self-sufficient individuals.

Women don’t need to wear business suits and high heels to impress men and men don’t need to feel threatened by any woman who doesn’t! I’m here for you, to hear you and assist you to embrace and incorporate body, mind and soul to create one balanced holistic human being. Let me help. Stay in the self – and stay safe! 

The Oxford dictionary defines resilience as ‘the ability of people or things to recover quickly after something unpleasant, such as shock, injury, etc.’ – certainly a quality we could all benefit from in these troubled times.

If you ever believed that resilience is something you are born with or inherited however and it will only serve you as you go through life, there is much evidence to support that you are very wrong.

In an excellent paper from the Garrison Institute on ‘The human dimensions of resilience,’ they state that “resilience skills can serve to buffer individuals and communities from the many negative effects of stress…Resilient individuals are not just “lucky accidents.” Those who possess resilience share certain qualities that can be identified and learned, among them, confidence, emotional regulation and mental flexibility.”

So resilience, like most attributes can be developed and I believe that building resilience through knowing the self – is in everyone’s grasp – but we’ll get to that.

The paper goes on to say that the skills and attitudes of resilience can be transmitted from one person to another through social networks and that these skills will themselves strengthen social bonds and therefore communities!

Resilience has an infectious quality

It is very clear if one is to believe this then that the building and spreading of resilience are found in the self and transmitted to the other, not unlike the principle of ‘Ubuntu.’ Just as Ubuntu expounds that ‘oneness’ is found in the collective being optimistic, courageous, self-confident and even-minded in all circumstances – resilience is no doubt one of these qualities. 

In essence, the resilience that has served us to face this Covid-19 pandemic together is as infectious as the virus itself and will in years to come be seen as one of the positive aspects of the pandemic.

There is no doubt, therefore, that the building of resilience is a great asset both to the individual and the community at large and as a facilitator of various practices that holistically build body mind and soul, it is my experience that one of the strongest and most successful ways to do so is through developing and understanding of the self.

In my practice, there has been an encouraging resurge at this time in the popularity of ‘soul plan’ readings and with everyone’s need to deal with stress through being stronger and more self-aware this is a good way to achieve it.

The details of what a ‘soul plan’ reading accomplishes can be found on my website, but in essence, it is about discovering your talents, strength and weaknesses so that you can plan a future based on those strengths and develop weaker areas through having more self-awareness. 

Revealing the self

Attributes like resilience are developed just like any other and it is my belief that the Soul plan readings achieve this, but also that it is the facilitation and the methods I use that lead to better self-awareness. 

I hold your hand through the unravelling of your foundation and like peeling the layers of an onion, through listening and guiding, I reveal your real self to you. 

Living in the moment

The change can be astounding and instantaneous. Like a light switch being thrown, your enlightenment can immediately begin to lead you down a better path. The human brain is capable of changing over 70% of its thought patterns in a single day. It is the NOW that matters, so ‘carpe diem’ – seize the day – Contact me and let me help you to start building resilience through knowing the self. Stay positive and stay safe!

The recent total lockdown situation resulting from the dreadful COVID-19 pandemic, something that is still very much with us, lead me to think about ‘focusing.’ It is very possible at this time that as much as we are going through the motions of a normal life, getting on with our work, tending to the family etc, certain of our actions may well be driven by a deep seated fear of the proximity and possible consequences of this virus for all us.

This article is not intended to dwell on the pandemic however, enough has been said about it in my previous articles, but it is a good example of negative ‘focusing.’ This is not just what we focus on consciously, but ‘focusing’ is actually a name for a practice and therapy that has been around for some time.

What is focussing?

In the words of ‘Focussing Resources,’ – “Focusing is a way of tapping into your vast emotional intelligence through the messages of your body. With Focusing, you return to a source of knowing that has always belonged to you. Focusing gives you direct access to your own inner compass, where you know the right direction for your life. Focusing works because life naturally wants to move forward and find new possibilities. Sometimes we get stuck because we get cut off from that natural life forward energy.”

Where did it begin?

The same journal tells us that “Focusing was discovered when Professor Eugene Gendlin of the University of Chicago researched the question: “Why is psychotherapy helpful for some people, but not others?” He and his colleagues studied tapes of hundreds of therapy sessions and made a fascinating and important discovery: successful therapy clients had a vague, hard-to-describe inner awareness, a bodily felt sense about their problems.”

What are some examples?”

Your Focus is your belief or how you identify with who you are in the world. For example as a woman you might be identifying with your gender and possibly what your gender means to you could be holding you back from achieving what men would achieve. In feeling like the ‘weaker’ sex unconsciously, this is driving your conscious mind and body to certain actions and decisions all the time.

Of either gender, if you see yourself as being a victim, or helpless, the chances are this will be driving you to becoming a victim. Maybe on the contrary you see yourself a victor, someone with plenty opportunities and options – if this is what is going on in your unconscious mind, the chances are that you will be led to taking decisive action towards successful outcomes.

From the self comes more

Through my business Self and More I holistically deal with the practice of maintaining synergy between body mind and soul. If you are at a crossroads, feeling like you are really not where you should be it could well be that your unconscious focus is leading your mind and body astray.

Coaching utilising focusing methods could well unearth exactly where your focus lies and in so knowing redirect your path to a more positive, productive mind set –or at least greater peace of mind. So do let me help.

Remember what you see as a boulder blocking your path to fulfilment could actually become a solid stepping stone to a better life. Be mindful – and be safe!